Halloween!

So Logan lived yesterday and I sent him to school today.  On the way home he was mad because he wasn’t finished learning yet today.  Once we got home he was fine and annoyed me much of the afternoon.  I’m making Buzz Lightyear gloves for his costume and then Seth is going to be Woody.  The baby is going as a hotdog, it’s so funny.

I guess I should say something about our family and the kids.  I magically got pregnant with Logan right before Michael and I got married.  I really never thought about ever having trouble getting pregnant, I mean I never knew anyone in real life who had.  I come from a town where all the girls got pregnant in high school! (FTR, I was 25 not in high school when I had my unplanned pregnancy!) So we had Logan, I had quite a few problems (GD, PIH, all the initials of stuff)  Then about 18 months later we started thinking about another one.  I went to a different doctor and was formally diagnosed with PCOS and told that there was pretty much no way I would ever TTC without help.  We started right away with an Evil RE and used Clomid.  And a ton of it.  Did nothing for me except almost make us divorce.  Fast forward a year, I have a lap and ovarian drilling and think that will be the magic potion.  Still nothing except wasted money.  Finally in the summer of ‘04 we are at this place selling CD’s to finance our life and the RE.  I was waiting in the car with Logan and I look next to us and it is our RE in his Mercedes.  The irony of the whole thing was crazy.  It wasn’t long after that (and a disastrous cycle) that we decided to be done and go towards adoption. 

 We started with the classes and then by the following May we had our Seth.  We adopted though the state so thought when we were ready to go again would foster to adopt since it would be “easier” than the transition we had with Seth from his foster home to us.  I think we are crazy, there is no way this is easier.  The last 10 months have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I think we must have had the hardest situations ever.  Our first foster baby, James died.  Then everything we went through with the girls and their bio family.  So hard.  I just continue to hope that we are making a difference and that someday we might see some small fruit of all of this.

What a month…

So this last month has been a tough one.  Our foster girls who have been with us since last January moved this last friday to an adoptive home.  I’ve had lots of guilt because of us not being able to adopt them but it just wasn’t what would have been best for us or the boys.  We idealy want to adopt one more but I also want one more that I’ve had since they were a baby.  J (the 5 yr old) also possibly/probably had Fetal Alcholol Syndrome and with our Seth alreading being high needs we just didn’t think we could parent them both the way they deserved to be forever.  Okay, enough justifing things to myself…….

Anyway, I became the monster, evil foster mom in the last months as they had visits with the new parents who bought them everything under the sun then they came home to the poor house with all these kids and the nerve! Rules!  Add in their terrible social workers who perpetuated me being the bad guy and I wasn’t real popular anymore.  I was still so sad to have them go, I missed the fun stuff we did before when everyone just left us alone and let me do all the work.  I was also very relieved to just have this over and move on with kids who I felt I might be making a difference for. 

 So that’s what’s been happening around here.  I’ve been deep cleaning the house to prepare for the next new people hopefully coming soon.  Logan came home sick today from school but hopefully we will be all better for tomorrow.  I really don’t want him to miss his Halloween party at school.  That would stink. 

Yo Gabba Gabba

Really what trip were the people who thought of this show on?????

Where to Start?

I feel like I’m not cool enough for a blog.  I know that is the name of a blog out there somewhere and I can surely see why someone would call it that.  I’m a mom with not enough adult stimulation and thought I might try this outlet. 

Going back a few years is when I started reading various blogs.  It started as TTC (Trying to Conceive lingo) blogs then as I searched more I found other people in different circumstances who blogged.  Their lives took me some place else when my life was the last place I wanted to be.  I always felt guilty like I was reading someone’s diary but I also felt like I was weirdly some part of their life.   It was like Judy Blume books for my adulthood. 

 I’m now in a different time of my life….funny how that happens.  We’ve had some very strange things happen in/to our family and whenever I relate it someone always says, “you’d better be writing these things down.”  I doubt anyone but me will read this but I always have these thoughts about things so many this will help me to be more clear about them.  With all the things that are happening in our world I want to be informed, intelligent, touch!  I want to MARCH!  I was so born in the wrong time…..